party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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