there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
