we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
