I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
