Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
