How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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