omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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