I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
