So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
