I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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