I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
