I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
