Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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