Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
