I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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