um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
