wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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