please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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