Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
