all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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