my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
