Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
