Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
