I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize