dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
