My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
