She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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