Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
