We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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