and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
