In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
