Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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