Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
