whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
