it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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