i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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