I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
