Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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