no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
