if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I could fuck to npr.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
