I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
