Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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