True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have fence marks all over my body
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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