If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
