drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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