ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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