a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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