Banned from zoo.
Again?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
