dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
