I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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