ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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