Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
