it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
