You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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