I murdered the dance floor call the cops
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
