I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
