are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
