garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
