I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize