i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
