I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
