he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
