There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
