Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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