Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
