K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize