is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
