Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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