"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
